Sunday, January 16, 2011

Power and skills of communicating

I just came to think of one of my early proofs of non-physical communication:

In a course room many years ago I was doing some Communication exercises with a female co-student. And in the middle of it I got a… a certain male physical reaction, let’s say.

For a short while I tried to calm myself, thinking: ah, you’re just hot and bothered because you like Tina (I really did).
But then I realized that anything happening had to be related to the drill, I was not *that* bad at concentrating. And the purpose of the exercise was to make her give out strong, clean communications without distractions.
So I got the courage to say to her: “I feel some communication vibe which does not belong in the exercise.”
She nodded, but my reaction did not pass.

So I stepped up my courage one more notch and said: “sorry, the thing I feel is a sex vibe coming in.”
And she said” “Oh!”

And she continued the exercise… and my physical reaction disappeared instantly!

I had been certain I was not generating it. And she was so much master of her communication that she was able to stop it instantly once she became aware of it. I loved that.

Tina was a lovely, lovely person. She also had a little kid, I think he was about four years old. One day in the garden, she was walking away, and he was trying to talk to her, but she didn’t hear him. So this tiny kid raised his voice just enough and said: “Tina! Are you listening to me?!” She was stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. This kid had way more communication skill and power than most adults! Wow.

He didn’t say “Mom”, he used her name. And he did’t throw a tantrum or anything, he just communicated powerfully and precisely.

He was also much better than I have been at any age. I am meek and don’t like to interrupt. One day in a busy airport bar I was trying to get a bottle of water, but the waitress for some reason overlooked me. I was trying to get her attention, but didn’t succeed. And a bright stranger next to me said to me: “dude, you just don’t have any impinging power.” And he was totally right.

I think the trick is to have impinging power without being rude or angry about it. If you are friendly and polite, people will not get offended if you interrupt. I guess in those days I had too much suppressed anger, so I became meek to compensate.

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