Monday, August 31, 2009

Hate and Fear, how they relate

I think I've made a philosophical breakthrough, for me at least.

I was scanning for areas I feel emotional about to "deflate" them.
I came upon "Hate".
Immediately of course I thought I felt hate. But no, it was about the way I was feeling *about* hate.

I felt it was the most dangerous thing anywhere. The worst thing wrong with the Universe.
I asked myself how I would represent hate visually, and saw a floating, flying thing of white-hot and poisonous razor-sharp spikes, which might move super-fast and unpredictably. Scary stuff. :-)

I then thought how would I then represent Fear visually? And I saw a deeply frozen wasteland, like central Antarctica. No life, deeply frozen. Real fear is *frozen*. Paralyzed.

And I realized that Hate is Deep Fear which is only trying to reach out, to fix things! It feels something is deeply wrong, and it trying to find and destroy the thing which is wrong.

It is so frozen and in pain that it is deeply irrational, but Hate is really a huge step *up* from Deep Fear. It is the beginnings of some kind of action, an attempt to reach out. An attempt to fix things.
From outside it seems very destructive, but if you think about it, it really is very, very brave.

A super-concentrated crash course

This is from a letter I just wrote to a friend:

It started with me (Eolake) saying:
I've been doing a LOT of work in recent years with various methods regarding not getting over-emotional, because it leads to depression, anxiety, overwhelm...
And recently, all that work is really starting to pay off. I'm calmer and happier generally, and I almost never get depression or anxiety attacks anymore. It's amazing.

Awesome! Is it the EFT?

That was one thing, but I have used so many things. I find what one must do as one progresses upwards gets softer and gentler and less active, over the years. At really advanced levels one often really does not need to do anything, except observe non-judgmentally and relaxedly, and then conditions change.

I think one of the most important common denominators is learning to let energy and emotions flow (flow away, or "melt"), instead of being blocked or frozen. It's not done overnight, because we are almost all sitting in thousands of layers of old, hard-packed energy, and one can only handle one layer at a time.

I STILL haven't taken the time to look at EFT! I should listen when opportunities come to improve myself. And...WHO would I ask, right?!

I think everybody has an inner all-knowing teacher. I call it Intuition, some call it Jesus, some call it Holy Spirit, some Krishna, some Higher Self...
For some people it will seem to come more from outside, and for others, more from inside.
Learning to distinguish between the right Guiding Voice and other voices/influences is not always as easy as it sounds, and make take some learning in itself.

It seems one of our great learning paths in life is learning to let this universal force "take the wheel", and let our human egos take a back seat. The Ego hates not being in control, so it's quite a journey to learn this, but the payoffs are great, since the ego was never really in control anyway.

So. Until and if I ever write a book, this was the super-concentrated wisdom of stobblehouse. Keep it. :-)

... Well, just to throw in another mountain of learning here, another vital bit is to learn that everything Outside ourselves is a reflection of our Inner. So another long learning path is to bit by bit not blame others, or circumstances, but look inside for the Cause.

Update: One application of this I often have had much struggle applying myself, but it can be really helpful: if something really upsets you about something or somebody else, look inside you for something similar. Sometimes the similarity can be very vague, but it'll be there.
For example, Bill gets very upset when he hears somebody killed a dog. Looking inside, he discovers that he always hated dogs and tend to push them aside with his foot. See, nothing to censor really, but this is the real source of his upset, no matter what happens i The World. What upsets you in the world is a reflection, no matter how distorted, of things you'll find inside yourself.

Update: ...
But that's another lesson I'm learning slowly:
Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.

The universe knows what it's doing. By trying to run it, even just emotionally, I'm just wearing down my health unnecessarily.

For some people guidance will seem to come more from outside, and for others, more from inside.

...someone who is able to look at my situation from a distance and give me guidance that I had not asked for. Would that be an example of "outside"?

It may well be. Often is, I'm sure.

Also some people will have conversations with Jesus or a Guardian Angel or what have you. Some might hear words, for others it will be very abstract or conceptual.

I've had a few occasions where an answer seemed to come from such a place, but generally I'm too "macho" to accept such a position. :-)

I will sometimes lean back, try and clear my head of clutter, emotions, attachments and personal desires, and ask The Universe, "what is the best choice for The Whole", and there will always be an *instant* answer, as an idea in my head. If it's not instant, I don't trust the Source. (Sometimes I'll not like the answer, but then I say to myself, if you didn't want an answer, why did you ask?)

Now we are picking at the foundations of the most fundamental problems in the Universe, so one is not to expect a short and easy journey! :-)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


I think one of the important lines in The Disappearance Of The Universe (a book chock-full of important lines) is when J speaks to Gary and tells him that the world must become meaningless to him.

Because 1) it is exactly what must happen to become free of it. (because it's the only correct evaluation of something which does not exist.) 2) emotionally it translates to not caring, and it's so difficult to change caring. And 3) It's a sin.

DU/ACIM is almost diametrically opposed to so much we believe as humans. One of the things is that it's a crime and a sin not to care.
"Dave died."
"I don't care."
"What? You motherf***ing asshole, what do..." blah blah blah.

But worse than judgement from others, we censor and condemn ourselves when we don't care. To be human is to care, and to be human is surely the most important thing in the world?? (Wow, what a perfect trap. The most important thing in the world is to be the very thing which entraps you!)

But I can feel caring about thousands of things flowing away from me the tide. A relief.

Often the world seems to have such beauty and love. But the thing is that the beauty of Source (life) "seeps in" through the cracks. Or it's reflected in the things in the World. And while we're on the human levels, we confuse it with the things it's reflected in.
But it's while following this "crumb trail" of reflected light that in the end we are let out of the woods and home.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


"You would maintain, and think it true, that you do not believe these senseless laws, nor act upon them. And when you look at what they say, they cannot be believed. Brother, you do believe them. For how else could you perceive the form they take, with content such as this? Can any form of this be tenable? Yet you believe them for the form they take, and do not recognize the content. It never changes. Can you paint rosy lips upon a skeleton, dress it in loveliness, pet it and pamper it, and make it live? And can you be content with an illusion that you are living?

There is no life outside of Heaven. Where God created life, there life must be. In any state apart from Heaven life is illusion. At best it seems like life; at worst, like death. Yet both are judgments on what is not life, equal in their inaccuracy and lack of meaning. Life not in Heaven is impossible, and what is not in Heaven is not anywhere."

- A Course In Miracles

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Stay calm

This seems to be something I have to learn many times:
Unpleasant emotional states (for example depression or anxiety) comes on the heels of strong excitement, either negative or positive. Strong emotions, tension.
If I could learn better to stay calm, I could avoid by far most of it.

It's tough to learn, because I'm excitable, and so far as I can see, the Ego *loves* excitement, as far as it's concerned it is what life is all about.

But I have learned I can do a great deal of keeping calm and calming down on purpose, I just need to become better at staying *aware* of it.

Update below: my friend Laurie expands this into the metaphysical realm, saving me from having posted off-topic. :-)

"That excitement feels like LIFE, it's hard to see it again and again as a dangling carrot, as in fact, a scam. Because it never delivers, it never ends up in LIFE, only loss and further desire.

Also, the mind conjures up scenes of the opposite happening to us if we stop feeding that excitement: dull, dead, personality-less, lifeless.

But desiring any object through the senses, for me without fail has led to disappointment. I'm really tired of it."

(Back to me.) She's right. What's basically wrong with excitement is that it's excitement about a thing in the world. Which isn't there. It's absolutely nothing. How can that not disappoint?

We are so slow that we never learn until our last lifetime. ("It's always in the last place you look.")
"Now I'm a millionaire, but I'm not happy. But I'll bet if I had a hundred million, I'd be happy."

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Gustav Meyrink

"Man is firmly convinced that he is awake; in reality he is caught in a net of sleep and dreams which he has unconsciously woven himself. The tighter the net, the heavier he sleeps. Those who are trapped in its meshes are the sleepers who walk through life like cattle being led to the slaughterhouse, indifferent and without a thought in their heads. Seen through the meshes, the world appears to the dreamers like a piece of lattice-work: they only see misleading apertures, act accordingly, and are unaware that what they see are simply the debris of an enormous whole. These dreamers are not, as you may perhaps think, dwellers in a world of fantasy and poets. They are the everyday men, the workers, the restless ones, consumed by a mad desire for restlessness. They are like those beetles which laboriously climb all the way up along a pipe, only to plunge down into it again as soon as they have reached the top. They say they are awake, but what they think life is, is really only a dream, every detail of which is fixed in advance and independent of their free will."
- The Green Face, by Gustav Meyrink, 1916

Sunday, August 9, 2009


Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
-- Oscar Wilde

Why breathing is important

I've gained some intuitive understanding of the importance of free-flowing breathing.
Somehow, for some reason, breathing is a very important symbol for BEING. Just being there. Being *aware*. Relaxedly.

I find that when I stop breathing it seems to be mainly when I'm *holding on* to something (a thought, a feeling, a position, what do I know). And *holding on* is one of the main barriers to freedom. When we hold on, energy stops. And the energy stacks up and packs up, and become old and hard. And then we have a vicious cycle, it's very hard to start breathing free and to *let energy flow* when you're sitting in a thick, hard, complex shell of old energy.

The good news is it can be done, and it gets easier over time. And on the day when you have dissolved the last of the old hard-packed energy, you're free and basically invulnerable.

Note: I don't think, like some say, that "if we just learn to breathe correctly", then most of our problems are solved magically. I just think that monitoring your breath (especially at rest in a darkened, quiet room) is an excellent way to find the trouble spots in your energy fields, and start to let them flow.

Update: Carol Howe, counselor, adds this:
The reason we learn early on not to breathe is that it cuts off our experience of pain. Watch a baby or toddler who is scared or hurt hold the breath. It becomes habitual.
Then the cartilage between the ribs begins to get "glued" in place and you can't take a really deep breath if you want to because your ribs, and thus lungs, can't expand fully. Deep tissue massage therapy is great for getting "unstuck" physically, which leads to an emotional release. It's quite a process.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


I am not posting so often here recently. It is not because I'm distracted from my spiritual path. Au contraire, it's I'm distracted from the theoretical bits by the practical bits. In recent months I'm having more spiritual progress than ever, it's quite exciting. But most of it the kind of thing that's too subjective to write about easily. (And also it's quite exhausting, frankly, so non-essential chores have floated a bit.)

Maybe one day I'll write a book, if it's indicated.

Thoreau and truth

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
-- Henry David Thoreau