I think I've made a philosophical breakthrough, for me at least.
I was scanning for areas I feel emotional about to "deflate" them.
I came upon "Hate".
Immediately of course I thought I felt hate. But no, it was about the way I was feeling *about* hate.
I felt it was the most dangerous thing anywhere. The worst thing wrong with the Universe.
I asked myself how I would represent hate visually, and saw a floating, flying thing of white-hot and poisonous razor-sharp spikes, which might move super-fast and unpredictably. Scary stuff. :-)
I then thought how would I then represent Fear visually? And I saw a deeply frozen wasteland, like central Antarctica. No life, deeply frozen. Real fear is *frozen*. Paralyzed.
And I realized that Hate is Deep Fear which is only trying to reach out, to fix things! It feels something is deeply wrong, and it trying to find and destroy the thing which is wrong.
It is so frozen and in pain that it is deeply irrational, but Hate is really a huge step *up* from Deep Fear. It is the beginnings of some kind of action, an attempt to reach out. An attempt to fix things.
From outside it seems very destructive, but if you think about it, it really is very, very brave.
Monday, August 31, 2009
A super-concentrated crash course
This is from a letter I just wrote to a friend:
It started with me (Eolake) saying:
I've been doing a LOT of work in recent years with various methods regarding not getting over-emotional, because it leads to depression, anxiety, overwhelm...
And recently, all that work is really starting to pay off. I'm calmer and happier generally, and I almost never get depression or anxiety attacks anymore. It's amazing.
AB:
Awesome! Is it the EFT?
Eolake:
That was one thing, but I have used so many things. I find what one must do as one progresses upwards gets softer and gentler and less active, over the years. At really advanced levels one often really does not need to do anything, except observe non-judgmentally and relaxedly, and then conditions change.
I think one of the most important common denominators is learning to let energy and emotions flow (flow away, or "melt"), instead of being blocked or frozen. It's not done overnight, because we are almost all sitting in thousands of layers of old, hard-packed energy, and one can only handle one layer at a time.
AB:
I STILL haven't taken the time to look at EFT! I should listen when opportunities come to improve myself. And...WHO would I ask, right?!
Eolake:
I think everybody has an inner all-knowing teacher. I call it Intuition, some call it Jesus, some call it Holy Spirit, some Krishna, some Higher Self...
For some people it will seem to come more from outside, and for others, more from inside.
Learning to distinguish between the right Guiding Voice and other voices/influences is not always as easy as it sounds, and make take some learning in itself.
It seems one of our great learning paths in life is learning to let this universal force "take the wheel", and let our human egos take a back seat. The Ego hates not being in control, so it's quite a journey to learn this, but the payoffs are great, since the ego was never really in control anyway.
So. Until and if I ever write a book, this was the super-concentrated wisdom of stobblehouse. Keep it. :-)
... Well, just to throw in another mountain of learning here, another vital bit is to learn that everything Outside ourselves is a reflection of our Inner. So another long learning path is to bit by bit not blame others, or circumstances, but look inside for the Cause.
Update: One application of this I often have had much struggle applying myself, but it can be really helpful: if something really upsets you about something or somebody else, look inside you for something similar. Sometimes the similarity can be very vague, but it'll be there.
For example, Bill gets very upset when he hears somebody killed a dog. Looking inside, he discovers that he always hated dogs and tend to push them aside with his foot. See, nothing to censor really, but this is the real source of his upset, no matter what happens i The World. What upsets you in the world is a reflection, no matter how distorted, of things you'll find inside yourself.
Update: ...
But that's another lesson I'm learning slowly:
Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.
The universe knows what it's doing. By trying to run it, even just emotionally, I'm just wearing down my health unnecessarily.
Update:
Eolake:
For some people guidance will seem to come more from outside, and for others, more from inside.
AB:
...someone who is able to look at my situation from a distance and give me guidance that I had not asked for. Would that be an example of "outside"?
Eolake:
It may well be. Often is, I'm sure.
Also some people will have conversations with Jesus or a Guardian Angel or what have you. Some might hear words, for others it will be very abstract or conceptual.
I've had a few occasions where an answer seemed to come from such a place, but generally I'm too "macho" to accept such a position. :-)
I will sometimes lean back, try and clear my head of clutter, emotions, attachments and personal desires, and ask The Universe, "what is the best choice for The Whole", and there will always be an *instant* answer, as an idea in my head. If it's not instant, I don't trust the Source. (Sometimes I'll not like the answer, but then I say to myself, if you didn't want an answer, why did you ask?)
----
Now we are picking at the foundations of the most fundamental problems in the Universe, so one is not to expect a short and easy journey! :-)
It started with me (Eolake) saying:
I've been doing a LOT of work in recent years with various methods regarding not getting over-emotional, because it leads to depression, anxiety, overwhelm...
And recently, all that work is really starting to pay off. I'm calmer and happier generally, and I almost never get depression or anxiety attacks anymore. It's amazing.
AB:
Awesome! Is it the EFT?
Eolake:
That was one thing, but I have used so many things. I find what one must do as one progresses upwards gets softer and gentler and less active, over the years. At really advanced levels one often really does not need to do anything, except observe non-judgmentally and relaxedly, and then conditions change.
I think one of the most important common denominators is learning to let energy and emotions flow (flow away, or "melt"), instead of being blocked or frozen. It's not done overnight, because we are almost all sitting in thousands of layers of old, hard-packed energy, and one can only handle one layer at a time.
AB:
I STILL haven't taken the time to look at EFT! I should listen when opportunities come to improve myself. And...WHO would I ask, right?!
Eolake:
I think everybody has an inner all-knowing teacher. I call it Intuition, some call it Jesus, some call it Holy Spirit, some Krishna, some Higher Self...
For some people it will seem to come more from outside, and for others, more from inside.
Learning to distinguish between the right Guiding Voice and other voices/influences is not always as easy as it sounds, and make take some learning in itself.
It seems one of our great learning paths in life is learning to let this universal force "take the wheel", and let our human egos take a back seat. The Ego hates not being in control, so it's quite a journey to learn this, but the payoffs are great, since the ego was never really in control anyway.
So. Until and if I ever write a book, this was the super-concentrated wisdom of stobblehouse. Keep it. :-)
... Well, just to throw in another mountain of learning here, another vital bit is to learn that everything Outside ourselves is a reflection of our Inner. So another long learning path is to bit by bit not blame others, or circumstances, but look inside for the Cause.
Update: One application of this I often have had much struggle applying myself, but it can be really helpful: if something really upsets you about something or somebody else, look inside you for something similar. Sometimes the similarity can be very vague, but it'll be there.
For example, Bill gets very upset when he hears somebody killed a dog. Looking inside, he discovers that he always hated dogs and tend to push them aside with his foot. See, nothing to censor really, but this is the real source of his upset, no matter what happens i The World. What upsets you in the world is a reflection, no matter how distorted, of things you'll find inside yourself.
Update: ...
But that's another lesson I'm learning slowly:
Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.
The universe knows what it's doing. By trying to run it, even just emotionally, I'm just wearing down my health unnecessarily.
Update:
Eolake:
For some people guidance will seem to come more from outside, and for others, more from inside.
AB:
...someone who is able to look at my situation from a distance and give me guidance that I had not asked for. Would that be an example of "outside"?
Eolake:
It may well be. Often is, I'm sure.
Also some people will have conversations with Jesus or a Guardian Angel or what have you. Some might hear words, for others it will be very abstract or conceptual.
I've had a few occasions where an answer seemed to come from such a place, but generally I'm too "macho" to accept such a position. :-)
I will sometimes lean back, try and clear my head of clutter, emotions, attachments and personal desires, and ask The Universe, "what is the best choice for The Whole", and there will always be an *instant* answer, as an idea in my head. If it's not instant, I don't trust the Source. (Sometimes I'll not like the answer, but then I say to myself, if you didn't want an answer, why did you ask?)
----
Now we are picking at the foundations of the most fundamental problems in the Universe, so one is not to expect a short and easy journey! :-)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Meaninglessness
I think one of the important lines in The Disappearance Of The Universe (a book chock-full of important lines) is when J speaks to Gary and tells him that the world must become meaningless to him.
Because 1) it is exactly what must happen to become free of it. (because it's the only correct evaluation of something which does not exist.) 2) emotionally it translates to not caring, and it's so difficult to change caring. And 3) It's a sin.
DU/ACIM is almost diametrically opposed to so much we believe as humans. One of the things is that it's a crime and a sin not to care.
"Dave died."
"I don't care."
"What? You motherf***ing asshole, what do..." blah blah blah.
But worse than judgement from others, we censor and condemn ourselves when we don't care. To be human is to care, and to be human is surely the most important thing in the world?? (Wow, what a perfect trap. The most important thing in the world is to be the very thing which entraps you!)
But I can feel caring about thousands of things flowing away from me the tide. A relief.
Update:
Often the world seems to have such beauty and love. But the thing is that the beauty of Source (life) "seeps in" through the cracks. Or it's reflected in the things in the World. And while we're on the human levels, we confuse it with the things it's reflected in.
But it's while following this "crumb trail" of reflected light that in the end we are let out of the woods and home.
Because 1) it is exactly what must happen to become free of it. (because it's the only correct evaluation of something which does not exist.) 2) emotionally it translates to not caring, and it's so difficult to change caring. And 3) It's a sin.
DU/ACIM is almost diametrically opposed to so much we believe as humans. One of the things is that it's a crime and a sin not to care.
"Dave died."
"I don't care."
"What? You motherf***ing asshole, what do..." blah blah blah.
But worse than judgement from others, we censor and condemn ourselves when we don't care. To be human is to care, and to be human is surely the most important thing in the world?? (Wow, what a perfect trap. The most important thing in the world is to be the very thing which entraps you!)
But I can feel caring about thousands of things flowing away from me the tide. A relief.
Update:
Often the world seems to have such beauty and love. But the thing is that the beauty of Source (life) "seeps in" through the cracks. Or it's reflected in the things in the World. And while we're on the human levels, we confuse it with the things it's reflected in.
But it's while following this "crumb trail" of reflected light that in the end we are let out of the woods and home.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Skellington
"You would maintain, and think it true, that you do not believe these senseless laws, nor act upon them. And when you look at what they say, they cannot be believed. Brother, you do believe them. For how else could you perceive the form they take, with content such as this? Can any form of this be tenable? Yet you believe them for the form they take, and do not recognize the content. It never changes. Can you paint rosy lips upon a skeleton, dress it in loveliness, pet it and pamper it, and make it live? And can you be content with an illusion that you are living?
There is no life outside of Heaven. Where God created life, there life must be. In any state apart from Heaven life is illusion. At best it seems like life; at worst, like death. Yet both are judgments on what is not life, equal in their inaccuracy and lack of meaning. Life not in Heaven is impossible, and what is not in Heaven is not anywhere."
- A Course In Miracles
There is no life outside of Heaven. Where God created life, there life must be. In any state apart from Heaven life is illusion. At best it seems like life; at worst, like death. Yet both are judgments on what is not life, equal in their inaccuracy and lack of meaning. Life not in Heaven is impossible, and what is not in Heaven is not anywhere."
- A Course In Miracles
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Stay calm
This seems to be something I have to learn many times:
Unpleasant emotional states (for example depression or anxiety) comes on the heels of strong excitement, either negative or positive. Strong emotions, tension.
If I could learn better to stay calm, I could avoid by far most of it.
It's tough to learn, because I'm excitable, and so far as I can see, the Ego *loves* excitement, as far as it's concerned it is what life is all about.
But I have learned I can do a great deal of keeping calm and calming down on purpose, I just need to become better at staying *aware* of it.
Update below: my friend Laurie expands this into the metaphysical realm, saving me from having posted off-topic. :-)
"That excitement feels like LIFE, it's hard to see it again and again as a dangling carrot, as in fact, a scam. Because it never delivers, it never ends up in LIFE, only loss and further desire.
Also, the mind conjures up scenes of the opposite happening to us if we stop feeding that excitement: dull, dead, personality-less, lifeless.
But desiring any object through the senses, for me without fail has led to disappointment. I'm really tired of it."
(Back to me.) She's right. What's basically wrong with excitement is that it's excitement about a thing in the world. Which isn't there. It's absolutely nothing. How can that not disappoint?
We are so slow that we never learn until our last lifetime. ("It's always in the last place you look.")
"Now I'm a millionaire, but I'm not happy. But I'll bet if I had a hundred million, I'd be happy."
Unpleasant emotional states (for example depression or anxiety) comes on the heels of strong excitement, either negative or positive. Strong emotions, tension.
If I could learn better to stay calm, I could avoid by far most of it.
It's tough to learn, because I'm excitable, and so far as I can see, the Ego *loves* excitement, as far as it's concerned it is what life is all about.
But I have learned I can do a great deal of keeping calm and calming down on purpose, I just need to become better at staying *aware* of it.
Update below: my friend Laurie expands this into the metaphysical realm, saving me from having posted off-topic. :-)
"That excitement feels like LIFE, it's hard to see it again and again as a dangling carrot, as in fact, a scam. Because it never delivers, it never ends up in LIFE, only loss and further desire.
Also, the mind conjures up scenes of the opposite happening to us if we stop feeding that excitement: dull, dead, personality-less, lifeless.
But desiring any object through the senses, for me without fail has led to disappointment. I'm really tired of it."
(Back to me.) She's right. What's basically wrong with excitement is that it's excitement about a thing in the world. Which isn't there. It's absolutely nothing. How can that not disappoint?
We are so slow that we never learn until our last lifetime. ("It's always in the last place you look.")
"Now I'm a millionaire, but I'm not happy. But I'll bet if I had a hundred million, I'd be happy."
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Gustav Meyrink
"Man is firmly convinced that he is awake; in reality he is caught in a net of sleep and dreams which he has unconsciously woven himself. The tighter the net, the heavier he sleeps. Those who are trapped in its meshes are the sleepers who walk through life like cattle being led to the slaughterhouse, indifferent and without a thought in their heads. Seen through the meshes, the world appears to the dreamers like a piece of lattice-work: they only see misleading apertures, act accordingly, and are unaware that what they see are simply the debris of an enormous whole. These dreamers are not, as you may perhaps think, dwellers in a world of fantasy and poets. They are the everyday men, the workers, the restless ones, consumed by a mad desire for restlessness. They are like those beetles which laboriously climb all the way up along a pipe, only to plunge down into it again as soon as they have reached the top. They say they are awake, but what they think life is, is really only a dream, every detail of which is fixed in advance and independent of their free will."
- The Green Face, by Gustav Meyrink, 1916
- The Green Face, by Gustav Meyrink, 1916
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Why breathing is important
I've gained some intuitive understanding of the importance of free-flowing breathing.
Somehow, for some reason, breathing is a very important symbol for BEING. Just being there. Being *aware*. Relaxedly.
I find that when I stop breathing it seems to be mainly when I'm *holding on* to something (a thought, a feeling, a position, what do I know). And *holding on* is one of the main barriers to freedom. When we hold on, energy stops. And the energy stacks up and packs up, and become old and hard. And then we have a vicious cycle, it's very hard to start breathing free and to *let energy flow* when you're sitting in a thick, hard, complex shell of old energy.
The good news is it can be done, and it gets easier over time. And on the day when you have dissolved the last of the old hard-packed energy, you're free and basically invulnerable.
Note: I don't think, like some say, that "if we just learn to breathe correctly", then most of our problems are solved magically. I just think that monitoring your breath (especially at rest in a darkened, quiet room) is an excellent way to find the trouble spots in your energy fields, and start to let them flow.
------
Update: Carol Howe, counselor, adds this:
The reason we learn early on not to breathe is that it cuts off our experience of pain. Watch a baby or toddler who is scared or hurt hold the breath. It becomes habitual.
Then the cartilage between the ribs begins to get "glued" in place and you can't take a really deep breath if you want to because your ribs, and thus lungs, can't expand fully. Deep tissue massage therapy is great for getting "unstuck" physically, which leads to an emotional release. It's quite a process.
-
Somehow, for some reason, breathing is a very important symbol for BEING. Just being there. Being *aware*. Relaxedly.
I find that when I stop breathing it seems to be mainly when I'm *holding on* to something (a thought, a feeling, a position, what do I know). And *holding on* is one of the main barriers to freedom. When we hold on, energy stops. And the energy stacks up and packs up, and become old and hard. And then we have a vicious cycle, it's very hard to start breathing free and to *let energy flow* when you're sitting in a thick, hard, complex shell of old energy.
The good news is it can be done, and it gets easier over time. And on the day when you have dissolved the last of the old hard-packed energy, you're free and basically invulnerable.
Note: I don't think, like some say, that "if we just learn to breathe correctly", then most of our problems are solved magically. I just think that monitoring your breath (especially at rest in a darkened, quiet room) is an excellent way to find the trouble spots in your energy fields, and start to let them flow.
------
Update: Carol Howe, counselor, adds this:
The reason we learn early on not to breathe is that it cuts off our experience of pain. Watch a baby or toddler who is scared or hurt hold the breath. It becomes habitual.
Then the cartilage between the ribs begins to get "glued" in place and you can't take a really deep breath if you want to because your ribs, and thus lungs, can't expand fully. Deep tissue massage therapy is great for getting "unstuck" physically, which leads to an emotional release. It's quite a process.
-
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Writing
I am not posting so often here recently. It is not because I'm distracted from my spiritual path. Au contraire, it's I'm distracted from the theoretical bits by the practical bits. In recent months I'm having more spiritual progress than ever, it's quite exciting. But most of it the kind of thing that's too subjective to write about easily. (And also it's quite exhausting, frankly, so non-essential chores have floated a bit.)
Maybe one day I'll write a book, if it's indicated.
Maybe one day I'll write a book, if it's indicated.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Big pictures
A friend asked:
"What if, just a hypothesis, what if I wasn't right, and it wasn't all ultimately meaningless in the Big Picture?"
I'm sure everything is used in the big picture, even if illusory.
The problem is the big picture is too big for human minds. Perhaps the horrible destruction of Earth is necessary for the spiritual salvation of the rest of the galaxy, and we follow on another planet later. *We* don't know!
And we don't know need to know. We just need to know that it's all right, and to follow the next bend in the river.
"What if, just a hypothesis, what if I wasn't right, and it wasn't all ultimately meaningless in the Big Picture?"
I'm sure everything is used in the big picture, even if illusory.
The problem is the big picture is too big for human minds. Perhaps the horrible destruction of Earth is necessary for the spiritual salvation of the rest of the galaxy, and we follow on another planet later. *We* don't know!
And we don't know need to know. We just need to know that it's all right, and to follow the next bend in the river.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Ellen Goodman
We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck... But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness.
-- Ellen Goodman
-- Ellen Goodman
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Umberto Eco
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
-- Umberto Eco
-- Umberto Eco
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Body, Gogh
"What is the use of a beautiful body, animals have it too... perhaps even more than men... but... the soul, as it lives in the people, that's what animals never have. Is not life given us to become richer in spirit?" - Vincent van Gogh
---
I'm watching "Vincent: The Life and Death of Vincent Van Gogh", a film with some of Gogh's letters read by John Hurt. It's excellent.
Vincent is seen as the archetypical "tortured artist", with some justification. But I think it is much more important that his art came from Love of Life, and like he said himself, from Serenity. He never felt sorry for himself, he took the hardships of life as simply the price one paid to reach Higher. And he saw the Light, Love, and Joy behind it all, and that is what he painted.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Art and awakening
I just had a realization: art, like humor, can facilitate awakening. Well, I knew that, but what I realized is that like humor, but unlike most other methods, it can make awakening into a process which has more pleasure than pain.
Opinions
Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.
-- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
-- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Fear and smallness
I have come to realize that all my trouble with living has come from fear and smallness within me. -- Angela L. Wozniak
Monday, May 4, 2009
Ego dissolving
Hokey sh*t, here's another huge thing from the same book:
The ego having been fully dissolved is not the same as awakening.
Many wake up, permanently or not, before the ego is dissolved, and the awakening accelerates the process explosively. But the ego may still be there, in fact it can even be a very strong ego, and fight the dissolving process tooth and nail.
This fits my experience so much, and it seems to be one of the few things missing from The Disappearance Of The Universe. In that book the end of the ego seems to be totally identified with Awakening, and it does not make sense to me, because so many people who are clearly awakened also clearly have ego.
What Adya says may explain what happened to me: it might be that I had not just a brief awakening in 1986, but a permanent one (I'm not at all sure, though), but it was obscured by a fantastically strong ego, which has been painfully being dismantled every since, accompanied not the least by crippling fear. It can still be difficult at times, but I'm pretty sure I'm close to the end of fear. I hope very close! :-)
The ego having been fully dissolved is not the same as awakening.
Many wake up, permanently or not, before the ego is dissolved, and the awakening accelerates the process explosively. But the ego may still be there, in fact it can even be a very strong ego, and fight the dissolving process tooth and nail.
This fits my experience so much, and it seems to be one of the few things missing from The Disappearance Of The Universe. In that book the end of the ego seems to be totally identified with Awakening, and it does not make sense to me, because so many people who are clearly awakened also clearly have ego.
What Adya says may explain what happened to me: it might be that I had not just a brief awakening in 1986, but a permanent one (I'm not at all sure, though), but it was obscured by a fantastically strong ego, which has been painfully being dismantled every since, accompanied not the least by crippling fear. It can still be difficult at times, but I'm pretty sure I'm close to the end of fear. I hope very close! :-)
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Glimpsing Reality
Once again, Adyashanti has said something I needed to hear (in the book End Of Your World). This one also confirms long-time suspicions of mine.
He talked about how some people have mini-awakenings which are not permanent. They can be longer or shorter. And how it might even be so short as just "a snap of the fingers".
But that even that... Reality is so powerful that just such a glimpse can powerfully change somebody's life.
And start the ego falling apart for real.
Which is exactly what happened to me in 1986. I had a micro-second glimpse of something, and then fear kicked back so hard that it took me two decades to dig back to where I could start getting an overview of what had happened.
One of the effects, apart from the beginning of mystical experiences and the ego dismantling, was that I got in touch with a powerful Inspiration for my art.
I'd figured it out, but it's good to hear that it's a known phenomenon, this brief glimpse of Reality (Source).
He talked about how some people have mini-awakenings which are not permanent. They can be longer or shorter. And how it might even be so short as just "a snap of the fingers".
But that even that... Reality is so powerful that just such a glimpse can powerfully change somebody's life.
And start the ego falling apart for real.
Which is exactly what happened to me in 1986. I had a micro-second glimpse of something, and then fear kicked back so hard that it took me two decades to dig back to where I could start getting an overview of what had happened.
One of the effects, apart from the beginning of mystical experiences and the ego dismantling, was that I got in touch with a powerful Inspiration for my art.
I'd figured it out, but it's good to hear that it's a known phenomenon, this brief glimpse of Reality (Source).
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