I made a big spiritual step several days ago. I knew well that it would "punish" me for days or weeks, but it felt good and important so I did it anyway.
Sure enough, since then I've been deeply in the dumps.
Seems to be lightening up now, but anyway, I was thinking about it, and the voice said "it's a blessing, you know".
"how the heck is it a blessing?"
"Well, you don't have to do anything."
"Do anything to what?"
"Do anything to get the Processing."
That's it. The depression or anxiety is what you feel when your inner gold factory is doing very heavy processing. A big insight (or say, an A Course In Miracles drill) will knock out a piece of ore (guilt/pain). And then it has to be processed, which happens automatically, like digestion. The ore has be broken down to small pieces and then melted, so you can separate the gold and throw out the rock. (Free the spirit and throw out the ego.)
Normally this is not a burden much, I guess, but when you get really good at knocking loose ore, or your mountain is starting to crumble fast, then your "factory" is running at near-overload, and what you feel is the depression or anxiety. I guess it's just the waves coming off the big amounts of guilt/pain being crushed.
Think of Byron Katie or Eckhart Tolle and so many others, they had long periods of depression or anxiety, and then suddenly one day, they were free and whole and happy. Unknowingly they had been processing like hell, and suddenly they were done!
I'd love to know what is really happening in this processing. It has to be something mechanical, otherwise it could not happen automatically and unknowingly.
I think this is a whole new area of philosophy that nobody that I'm aware of has looked at.
By the way, I think this is what Arten and Pursah is talking about when they say that if you do your job with Advanced Forgiveness (knocking loose ore), then the Holy Spirit will remove the Guilt for you (do the processing).
It is not the "I" doing the processing. It would be incapable of such a thing, it would be like doing a heart operation on yourself. But the "I" can feel vibrations of the process happening, when it's going strong.
I don't mean to assert that this is the only reason there can be for depression or anxiety. For all I know, there may be dozens. But it's also possible that none of those would be enough on their own without there being an ego in the process of being undone. These are very hazy areas, yet.